Well, I was pregnant. Miscarriage again today. Pardon me if I'm out for a few days. I'm quite bummed. I may stop in after my doc appoinment sometime in the next couple days.
*sigh* I know I can have babies. I mean, I had one already. So why am I having so much trouble having a second? Ten months of trying to get pregnant, and all I have to show is three miscarriages and a whole lot of heartache. I feel like a factory recall, like a defective product that works for a little while, then suddenly doesn't work the way it's supposed to, but not under warranty and past the statute of limitations for the recall, so you can't get your money back or even get it fixed, and you either have to live with the damaged product or throw it away.
I know God doesn't give us challenges we can't handle, but it seems to me he's giving me an awful lot of them lately. I won't be watching kids anymore after the first week of June, which is both relieving and stress-causing. We have to find other ways to make our living, and probably another place to live, at least until Yumi's parents go back to Japan after their visit in July. How will we ever afford it? *sigh*
I just want to lay in my bed and cry forever, but I have Wyatt to take care of, and tomorrow I have to watch Zack in the morning, try to get myself a doc's appoinment in the afternoon, and maybe figure out why my body keeps rejecting pregnancies. But, as with every weird thing that's wrong with me, I somehow doubt we're going to find a reason for this. Why should there be? There was no reason my eye lids should have been so swollen some mornings that I could hardly see. Alas, three and a half years after the plastic surgery (corrective, mind you) we still have no idea why they swelled so much. And I still don't know exactly why I get so many headaches. Or why my eyebrow (yep, just the one eyebrow) suddenly went white at age fourteen. I'll tell you, my friends: it's because I got every little freaky genetic abnormality in my family.
Okay, it's time to stop feeling sorry for myself, at least for tonight, and hit the sack so I can at least have some rest before tomorrow.
talking:
no one
listening:
nothing
thinking:
I just want to have another baby.....
last five:
too much to keep in
Today's Episode: Dad learns he is not Superman
sometimes you just can't think of anything witty to say
cliques
(insert witty title here)
Content � 2001-2003 Casey G unless otherwise credited
get your own